Every parent is learning on the job. Becoming a parent is an amazing journey of discovery and learning. Every day, you get to know your child better and see their personality, talents and abilities grow. But no sooner have you got used to a phase, your child has moved in to another! It means that as a parent, you are constantly having to develop new skills to support, nurture and guide your child.
Today there is an abundance of information on how to parent well. From child psychologists, educationalists, in-laws, friends and the media – everyone’s got an opinion on how parents should bring up their children. Whilst it’s really important that parents learn as much as possible for how to support their child, sometimes a variety of parenting information, can make parents feel more insecure about our own approach. This article gives some key essentials to help you develop confidence around your own parenting skills.
Adopt the gems
Reading a variety of ideas and approaches to parenting can be immensely helpful. It opens you up to different perspectives and might give you a new angle on a situation in your family life, or a new technique to support your child. You might not take it all on, but adopt the gems that you find and make them part of your parenting tool kit. When you see it working, it will build confidence as a parent.
Sift your learning
You know your child much better than anyone else does. You know their personality, their passions, their challenges and their struggles. You know what energises them and what demotivates them. Similarly, you as a parent have your own approach and preferences. Maybe you’re trying to research and learn about a new approach to family routines. As you do it, ask yourself what type of family you are? What are your preferences? For example, some families thrive on regular, established routines and timetables; others have a more fluid rhythm around timings and daily patterns. So sift what you learn, find what fits well and resonates with your style as a family.
Create your own path
Every parent will be influenced to a large extent by their own childhood and upbringing. For some of us that was a really positive experience, for others, childhood was full of challenges. As you seek to parent your own child, be aware of your own experiences and how it might influence your approach to parenting. Adopt the positive things that you’d like to emulate and create some new ideas too. Have confidence as a parent that you can create your own path, that’s wonderful and positive for your child.
Forget the grouch points
Parenting comes with many ups and downs. Sometimes it’s a good family day and sometimes it’s a grouchy family day. From sleepless babies, toddler melt downs or argumentative teens, every family has moments where it feels like all the grouch buttons are being pressed. Maybe we have snapped at our children, misdiagnosed a sibling argument (and made it worse), or been irritable with a friend or partner through lack of sleep. What to do at those times?! Focus on the good, not the grouch points. Learn from it. Move forward and remember all of the good things you did such as help with homework, baked a cake, or helped your child climb the monkey bars. Perfection is not achievable and do not make unrealistic goals for yourself.
Connect with your community
Many parents are afraid to admit that they do not know what they are doing or that they need help with something. Remember, everyone was a parent at some point too and had questions. Never be so confident with yourself that you do not ask your friends, family and family services questions or run something by them first. Remember the age-old saying: ‘It takes a community to raise a child’.
Enjoy it
It is important to spend time with your child. Don’t be so consumed with ‘getting it right’ as a parent, or all the jobs that parents have to do – that you forget just to have fun and hang out. Quite often, you’ll learn stuff from your children through their play or interests that will give you common ground: things to talk about, stuff to do together. This will allow the two of you to grow closer together and you can set new goals for yourselves. Your child will appreciate each second he or she gets with you and you will remember these moments forever.
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